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Sea Views: Insights from the Gray Havens 
January-February 1999

(formerly the _Rochester Rag_, formerly the _News from Detroit_)

Motto: The surest way to get a reputation for being a trouble maker these days is to go about repeating the very phrases that the Founders used in the struggle for independence.

-- C.A. Beard 


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On last month's Fix;

the answer to last month's Fix,
"The 2'nd president of the US has been impeached. Does it matter?"

 You know, they used to call Ronald Reagan the Teflon President. If that was true, Clinton is the Slick 50 President. After the State of the Union speech, the presidential approval ratings have predictably (for this president anyway) gone up again. And why shouldn't they? He coopted most of the Rep. Congress points as his own, and even stole a line from Newt "the Evil" Gingrich;

"It's time that American School teachers stop advancing children who cannot read or write. "

Standing O. Yet when Newt said it, where's the firing squad? Probably the most shameless line of the evening was,

"And I want you all to know that I am going to reverse the decline of American military spending that began in 1985."

What's this. Reagan was a dove? Hardly. That's what makes this guy so damn dangerous. What he says is technically accurate - and totally misleading. And those with no interest in history go, "Sniff. He just cares so much about us. Sniff. Why are those mean Republicans hurting him. Sniff." Let's look at military spending, shall we - hmmm?

billion $
340                    |
320                    |       |
300                    |       |
280                    |       |
260                    |       |            |
240                    |       |            |
220    |               |       |            |        |
200    |               |       |            |        |            |
        1980      1984  1985    1990    1995    1998
        Cart---Reagan ---------Bush--Clinton--------

Now I'm doing this from memory so the exact values may not be right, but I'll bet my next paycheck on the overall trend. So yes, Bill Clinton, you are right that the "decline" in military spending began in 1985. What you also neglect to mention is that you continued the cuts beyond what even George Bush had done. That in your first campaign you blamed George Bush for shutting down military bases, and then once elected you shut down even more. That you sir have claimed credit for defeating the Russians. That you sir, are claiming credit for a balanced budget that would not have been possible without this severe cut back which you are now BLAMING ON REAGAN !?!?!

So Mr. Clinton, are Rep. Hawks or Doves? I'll give you either side of the debate but damnit you can't have both.

Will a president Gore be any better? Well let's see. He has invented the "information super highway" by taking credit for the Internet. And today (Jan 24) I hear he has invented voice recognition by calling on America's scientists to build computers that can - get this - talk and listen.

"But Al Gore, we have that now."

"Shut up kid, you're bothering me."

For those of you who still trust this crew, who have the slightest doubt that Clinton has any hesitancy to throw away other people's lives to save his sorry lying ass, I present this:

  2. Dec. 16, 1998: Clinton orders Iraq attacked the day before the House votes on impeachment.
  3. Dec. 21, 1998: Hours after the vote to impeach, victory is declared and the attack stops.
  4. Election Eve, 1996: Hoping to get the traditional presidential boost, Clinton orders a raid on Iraq radar sites.
  5. June 30, 1998: Judge Susan Wright orders Clinton's deposition in the Paula Jones case released to the press. Same day, we attack Iraq radar sites.
  6. Aug. 20, 1998: Monica Lewinsky testifies. We attack alleged terrorists in Sudan and Afghanistan.
  7. Nov. 13, 1998: Clinton settles with Jones for $850K. Another Iraq missile attack.
  8. Jan 25, 1999: Senate votes on impeachment witnesses. Clinton attacks Iraq.

Would any of you care to guess how many attacks Clinton ordered when he wasn't trying to divert attention from his own dishonor?

One last thing. By rising to the defense of Clinton, the Dems in Congress have lost all credibility. They have said that perjury, suborning perjury and obstruction of justice is no big deal. Never again, in this rag at least, will any Dem that defended Clinton ever be allowed to badmouth a conservative without having this event shoved down their throat. Clinton has lowered the bar (or raised it depending on your point of view) so that short of murder (and maybe even that) - nothing is worthy of removal from office.

On the recovery;

You may notice that this is a combined Jan-Feb issue (since last month's issue was tanked by an aborted save operation). Through the compassion of a SysAdmin, I was able to get the backup tapes from the week before I deleted your submissions, ergo here they are.

On Microsoft;

During the Federal trial, Microsoft has been shown to portray demonstrations as fact (see news below), but that is only one of MS's strategies. One of MS's biggest defenses is that if it is a monopoly, it's through superior products, not coercion.

If that's true, why did the Mac and Amiga beat MS to a Graphical User Interface by 6-7 years? Why as recently as 1994 when the only Windows in town was Windows 3 did a user have to get a third party TCP network option to surf the web? It was not until Win95 that MS even offered a TCP networking option, and they still were touting networking as basically a something that was only important for offices, where they offered the proprietary NetBeui based LAN Manager that couldn't work across routers. Only when an upstart Netscape took NCSA Mosaic and turned it into Navigator and became the dominant tool on the Web, did MS finally acknowledge the power of TCP and make it the main networking option.

The preceding is an example of MS strategy one: do nothing and ride a cash cow until you are dragged kicking and screaming to improve products because you are losing market share.

Example two. Sun comes up with the Java programming language. Microsoft comes out with its own reply called ActiveX. But within the year Java is crushing ActiveX because its an open standard that allows a program to be written once and run on many platforms. MS makes a deal with Sun that said MS will make further Java developments. Sun - stupidly - agreed. Within the year, MS added "enhancements" that only worked with Windows, thus breaking Java's portability.

That's strategy two. MS calls it "Embrace and Extend". I call it "Embrace and Break." The number of Java developers is now falling, and ActiveX is increasing. MS has not reached it's position through design excellence, but rather bullying and deceit. If you believe otherwise, you are quite simply wrong.

Guest Editorial:

In the ongoing effort to chart the progress of the Misery Index under Bill Clinton, we present the following chart. You will notice that true to form, the MI spiked the first year that Clinton came to power, mainly because his first act was to raise taxes. The trend reversed only after the Reps. took over the House and Senate in 1995, and dropped the Cap Gains tax rate. Sadly, they have yet to reverse the income tax spike, and they allowed the cap gains to sneak back up.

                           ---- Clinton budgets* ------------------
                          |                                       |
              | 1992    1993    1994    1995    1996    1997    1998
Unemployment  | 7.2%    6.6%    5.6%    5.7     5.5     5.3     4.4
Inflation     | 4.7%    2.8%    2.9%    3.3     3.3     3.4     2.2
Interest      | 7.7%    8.3%    9.1     7.9     8.0     8.9     7.75
Fed. Inc. Tax | 28%     48%     48%     48      48      48      48
(top margin)  |
FICA          | 15%     15%     15%     15      15      15      15
Cap Gains     | 28%     28%     28%     28      15      15      28
Gasoline      | $0.15   $0.20   $0.20   $.20    $.20    $.20    $.20
(per gallon)  |  (0)    (+33%)  (+33%)
 MI (totl)      90.6    141.4   141.6   140.9   127.8   128.6   138.35
 *The astute reader will notice that Clinton is assigned
 the 1993 budget. Why? Because while Bush assembled
 most of the 93 budget, Clinton made his tax changes 
 retroactive to before he was President. Nice huh?


1. Doug WIlken writes.

Date: Fri, 22 Jan 1999 11:13:16 -0600 (EST)
From: Doug Wilken <>

Hi Steve,

"The 2'nd president of the US has been impeached. Does it

*I* think it does, but the President certainly is acting like it
doesn't apply to him.  Time will tell.  I recently webbed into
the democratic web site.  Things there can be summed up as "Save
our President from partisan extremists!" and "We're reasonable
and compassionate, they are extremists who need to be taken out
and shot."  Anyway that was the gist of things that I picked up.
Apparently, honest disagreement is not allowable.

My wife and I were watching the State of the Union Address.  She
is not particularly interested in politics.  However, Dona asked
me a couple of pointed questions:  "He is speaking to the people
who impeached him and to those who are trying him:  Could this
speech be taken as a bribe?" and "Who is paying for all of these
new programs?"  My wife may be apolitical, but she is *not* stupid.

Dale Bumpers speech yesterday was very stirring.  I didn't buy it
exactly, but it was very stirring.  I think that between the
House Managers and the President's defense the need for witnesses
to resolve this issue is quite clear because I have gotten the
impression that prosecutors and defenders in this impeachment
drama are all at least tacitly agreeing that *someone* has
committed felonies here, whether they want to put it that way or
not.  So I must confess that I'm kind of feeling sorry for Monica
Lewinsky right about now.

At any rate, the Defense has definitely conceded that the
President is reckless, but it is claimed that recklessness is not
impeachable.  Personally, a very reckless President scares me
even more than one that attempts to fix a court case in his
favor.  Does this make Clinton a security risk?  Do you feel
safer having a reckless commander-in-chief?

So, does anyone in the country remember that for years this
President has used every legal (and possibly some illegal)
methods he could come up with to delay authorized investigations?
Not to mention the blatant demagoguery of opponents, the smearing
of accusers, and the digging up dirt on his perceived enemies?

I just realized, I don't seem to be heading to a witty conclusion
(James Burke I am not).  I could go on and on with my concerns,
but I need to get back to work. Have a nice day. :)

-Doug Wilken

2. Matt writes;

Date: Thu, 21 Jan 1999 13:39:32 -0700 (MST)
From: Matt Birkholz <>
> "The 2'nd president of the US has been impeached. Does it
> matter?"

NO!  What DOES matter is the coupling between EM and gravity!  Why don't I
hear about things like that on THIS of all lists?!  Or the Artemis Project
( -- a private venture to establish a moonbase by selling the
movie rights.  Or Bob Zubrin's Mars aspirations, starting with an arctic
habitat (getting partly funded by NASA).  I just saw the Gillian Anderson
narrated Future Fantastic (or something like that) on TLC.  It was a real
call to arms for the physicists on this list, claiming that the best bet
for a moonbase is a bunch of SciFi fanatics using advanced technology to
get there before anyone else would bother (like

I should thank you, BTW, for the reference to the Breakthrough Propulsion
Physics Program at NASA.  I need to get back and finish reading through
it.  It might answer the following questions, for all I know...

What is the Cassini Effect?  Did they observe a wormhole in the lab?  Is
this part of those observations of faster-than-light effects?  How do they
know they got a wormhole?  What is it like to go through one?  Can it get
wide enough that I can reach through and type "reboot" on the console of my
spacecraft orbiting Alpha Centauri while standing in my basement?  (Does my
basement have to be as big as Dexter's Laboratory?)


3. Chuck S writes from the sunny slopes of the UP

Date: Wed, 27 Jan 1999 23:36:40 -0500 (EST)
From: Charles Scripter <>
Subject: Re: lastcall

Howdy Steve!

>  "The 2'nd president of the US has been impeached. Does it matter?"

   That depends on the definition of "matter"...  ;)

   If you mean, "will it harm the country?", it seems unlikely.  In
fact, by removing Bill, we remove a known liar from office, and may be
able to enact workable foreign relations; honesty generally goes a
long ways towards fair and equitable agreements, treaties and truces.

   If you mean, "will it change the Clinton policy?", again that is
unlikely.  Al Gore will replace Bill, and probably carry on Bill's
newly adopted Republican platform...

   Does removing Clinton "overturn a national election" as so many
Democrats and talking-heads claim?  Absolutely not.  These
unprincipled individuals desire to brainwash the common citizen into
believing that, but they fail to mention that Clinton would be
replaced by his running mate, Gore.  The election stands, and the
Democrats still control the Presidency.

   Did Bill Clinton perjure himself?  In part of his taped Paula
Jones deposition, Bill Clinton stated "I have never had sexual
relations with Monica Lewinsky.  I've never had an affair with
her...", while the stained blue dress clearly offers different

   Was justice obstructed, and who did it?  Well, there's currently
little _proof_ that Bill Clinton did it.  On the other hand, there's
very solid evidence that Betty Currie did obstruct justice; the FBI
found subpoenaed items under her bed.  Monica was also clearly
involved, as she gave these items to Betty.  They both must be tried
for their crimes.  Perhaps they'll turn State witness, and identify
Bill Clinton as having ordered this...

   Are these activities "Federal Felonies"?  Yes.  Are Federal
Felonies "High Crimes" or "Misdemeanors"?  I ask the reader this: What
crimes are HIGHER than Federal Felonies?...

   Should Clinton be removed?  Yes.  Beyond Bill Clinton's apparent
involvement in several Federal Felonies, he also has repeatedly
demonstrated a lack of discretion...  And his liaison with Monica,
while on the phone with his commanders in Europe, is inexcusable.
Were he a military commander, he might have faced a firing squad for
that act alone...  His discussions with Monica on an open phone line,
by Bill Clinton's own statement to Monica, may have compromised
national security.

   He lacks good judgment, honesty or integrity...  He must be

Charles Scripter  *
   When encryption is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir rapelcgvba.

Quote(s) of the month:

"There are lies and there are lies. He should have never been asked the question in the first place. He was just forced into perjurious territory."

-- Barbera Streisand, from an AOL "Talking Points" chat

"I would love to have better options President. I never thought Bill Clinton was the answer to our dreams."

-- Pat Ireland, President of National Organization for Women

Fix of the month:

"How will the Microsoft tussle with the Justice Dept. end up?"



1. Bellevue, Jan 1: In an interesting twist of fate, on New Year's Eve a new law went into effect that dropped the DUI blood alcohol limit from .10 to 0.08 percent. That very evening a car driven by a 26 year old Bellevue police officer, his state trooper friend and another male slid across the center line at over 80 mph and front ended a Ford Explorer driven by a navy man. The state trooper was killed and the other friend (who was in the back seat) remains in critical condition. The Bellevue officer remains free, despite that his blood alcohol was released as being over 0.2, but he has been suspended from duty. The navy man driving the other vehicle has been held for trial. His BAL - 0.1.

2. Olympia, Jan. 15: The state is losing the battle to increase salmon runs on its own, and is facing the prospect of having the Federal Fish and Game service come into the picture. The Feds promise their first action will be to declare King and Chinook salmon on the Endangered Species list, then ban commercial fishing. The third action will likely include tearing down over half of the dams (which were built by the Army Core of Engineers) which supply near 1/3 of Washington's electricity.

3. Feb 8, Seattle: The local media are in an uproar, because in a recent police auction the Seattle PD sold off confiscated weapons - including shotguns and rifles. In the Channel 7 news series called "Guns: Unlocked and Reloaded", the reporterette opined that "the city police are putting murdering weapons and assault rifles back on the streets."
Ed: Points to consider: I have yet to see a weapon fire itself at anyone and be convicted of murder. Two, the "assault rifle" was a semiautomatic Remington .22 hunting rifle. Ooh, the streets are flowing with blood now.

4. Feb 28, Seattle: It's official, it has rained for 89 days in a row as of today. As a consequence of the precipitation, the snow in the mountains is so high that its over the ski lifts and the local ski areas are closed.


1. Feb 7: Eugene Robinson was interviewed today after the Pro-Bowl. You may recall that Robinson was arrested in Atlanta the Sat. before the Superbowl for soliciting a prostitute that turned out to be a cop.  What you may not know is earlier that Sat., Robinson received the Bart Staar Award which is given to a player each year who most exemplifies a life of high moral character. Three days after the Superbowl, a contrite Robinson gave back that award - saying he didn't deserve it.
Ed: What's wrong with this guy? Hasn't he learned anything from the White House? Deny everything, then say it doesn't matter anyway because sex is a private matter. Plus, we've learned that it is moral to lie about sex so why did the fool admit anything?

Washington D.C.

 1. Feb 3-5: On the third, Microsoft attorneys presented a video tape to the Federal Judge in the monopoly case the Feds are pursuing against the software giant. It's purpose was to prove that the deinstall of the MS Browser from Windows (performed by an MIT computer scientist working for the prosecution) harmed Windows performance. On the 4'th, attorneys for the govt. proved that the "before and after videos" were of two different computers. MS Attorneys offered to redo the demonstration for the court, but were unable to. On the 5'th, MS attorneys were forced to admit that the video was a "illustration" not an actual "before and after" test on a single machine.

2. Feb 6: So quietly that it almost went unreported, GOPAC (the name of Newt Gingrich's education group) was found not guilty by an IRS tribunal of falsely claiming to be a nonprofit organization. Since 1994 when Gingrich became Speaker of the House, the evicted Dem ex-leadership went on a witch hunt to bury the Speaker and thought they had him on GOPAC, which they claimed was a thinly veiled PAC that used tax payer money to advance Rep. causes. The IRS found that the group was indeed educationally based, not idealistically, and dropped the case. Nevertheless, the Dems won since Gingrich felt that the issue was undermining his moral authority to impeach Clinton, and he resigned the Speakership this past December.
3. Feb 10: So Bill has escaped eviction from office - no surprise their. And Hillary is feeling out her chances for running as a New York Senator. Which pretty much confirms prediction made here years ago that within a year after they leave the White House, the Clintons will divorce.

Net News:

1. Sister Connie forwards this

Date: Thu, 21 Jan 1999 10:57:33 -0600
From: Connie Quimby <>
Subject: word perfect

> >>This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline.  Needless to
>> >>say the helpdesk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently
>> >>suing the WordPerfect organization for "Termination without Cause".
>> >>
>> >>Actual dialogue of a former Wordperfect Customer Support employee:
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>"Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
>> >>
>> >>"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
>> >>
>> >>"What sort of trouble?"
>> >>
>> >>"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went
>> >>away."
>> >>
>> >>"Went away?"
>> >>
>> >>"They disappeared."
>> >>
>> >>"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
>> >>
>> >>"Nothing."
>> >>
>> >>"Nothing?"
>> >>
>> >>"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
>> >>
>> >>"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
>> >>
>> >>"How do I tell?"
>> >>
>> >>"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
>> >>
>> >>"What's a sea-prompt?"
>> >>
>> >>"Never mind.  Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
>> >>
>> >>"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
>> >>
>> >>"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
>> >>
>> >>"What's a monitor?"
>> >>
>> >>"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.  Does it
>> >>have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
>> >>
>> >>"I don't know."
>> >>
>> >>"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the
>> >>power cord goes into it.  Can you see that?
>> >>
>> >>"Yes, I think so."
>> >>
>> >>"Great.  Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged
>> >>into the wall."
>> >>
>> >>".......Yes, it is."
>> >>
>> >>"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were
>> >>two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
>> >>
>> >>"No."
>> >>
>> >>"Well, there are.  I need you to look back there again and find  the
>> >>other cable."
>> >>
>> >>"....... Okay, here it is."
>> >>
>> >>"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the
>> >>back of your computer."
>> >>
>> >>"I can't reach."
>> >>
>> >>"Uh huh.  Well, can you see if it is?"
>> >>
>> >>"No."
>> >>
>> >>"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
>> >>
>> >>"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because
>> >>it's dark."
>> >>
>> >>"Dark?"
>> >>
>> >>"Yes -the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming  in
>> >>from the window."
>> >>
>> >>"Well, turn on the office light then."
>> >>
>> >>"I can't."
>> >>
>> >>"No? Why not?"
>> >>
>> >>"Because there's a power outage."
>> >>
>> >>"A power... A power outage?  Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.
>>>> Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer
>> >>came in?"
>> >>
>> >>"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
>> >>
>> >>"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it
>> >>was when you got it.  Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
>> >>
>> >>"Really? Is it that bad?"
>> >>
>> >>"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
>> >>
>> >>"Well, all right then, I suppose.  What do I tell them?"
>> >>
>> >>"Tell them you're too fucking stupid to own a computer."
>> >>

2. Rafe Donahue sends the next.
Date: Fri, 22 Jan 1999 10:52:47 -0500
From: "Donahue, Rafe " <>
Subject: FW: Right wing story

Steve, For your humor department.


> ------------------------------------------
> ------------------------------------------
> The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
> house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a
> fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant
> is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies
> out in the cold.
> ------------------------------------------
> ------------------------------------------
> The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
> house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a
> fool and laughs and dances and plays the  summer away. Come winter, the
> shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the
> ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and
> starving.
> CBS, NBC and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering  grasshopper
> next to video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with
> food.
> America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can it be that, in a country
> of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
> Then a representative of the NAGB (The National Association of Green Bugs)
> shows up on Nightline and charges the ant with green bias, and makes the
> case that the grasshopper is the victim of 30 million years of greenism.
> Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody cries
> when he sings "It's not easy being green."
> Bill and Hillary Clinton make a special guest appearance on the CBS
> Evening News to tell a concerned Dan Rather that they will do everything
> they can for the grasshopper who has been denied the prosperity he
> deserves by those who benefited unfairly during the Reagan summers.
> Richard Gephardt exclaims in an interview with Peter Jennings that the ant
> has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and calls for an
> immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share."
> Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and Anti-Greenism Act"
> retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing
> to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to
> pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.
> Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation
> suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal
> hearing officers that Bill pointed from a list of single-parent welfare
> moms who can only hear cases on Thursday's between 1:30 and 3 PM.
> The ant loses the case.
> The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the
> ant's food while the government house he's in, which just happens to be
> the ant's old house, crumbles around him since he doesn't know how to
> maintain it. The ant has disappeared in the snow. And on the TV, which the
> grasshopper bought by selling most of the ant's food, they are showing
> Bill Clinton standing before a wildly applauding group of Democrats
> announcing that a new era of "fairness" has dawned in America.

3. A disturbed grad student submits;

> >
> >
> > "You Were an Accident"
> > "Strangers Have the Best Candy"
> > "The Little Sissy Who Snitched"
> > "Some Kittens Can Fly!"
> > "Getting More Chocolate on Your Face"
> > "Where Would You Like to Be Buried?"
> > "Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her"
> > "The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book of Wild Animals of
>>  North      Amer -Hey! Let's Go Ride Our Bikes!"
> > "All Dogs Go to Hell"
> > "The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking"
> > "When Mommy and Daddy Don't Know the Answer, They Say God Did It"
> > "Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia"
> > "What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?"
> > "Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?"
> > "Bi-Curious George"
> > "Daddy Drinks Because You Cry"
> > "You Are Different and That's Bad"
> > "Dad's New Wife Gerald"
> > "Pop! Goes The Hamster-And Other Great Microwave Games"
> > "Testing Homemade Parachutes With Your Household Pets"
> > "The Hardy Boys, the Barbie Twins, and the Vice Squad"
> > "Babar Meets the Taxidermist"
> > "Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence"
> > "The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables"
> > "Start a Real-Estate Empire With the Change From Your Mom's Purse"
> > "The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy"
> > "Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will"
> > "The Care Bears Maul Some Campers And Are Shot Dead"
> > "How to Become The Dominant Military Power In Your Elementary School"
> >
> > and the ever-popular...
> >
> > "Controlling the Playground: Respect through Fear"
> >